


it's always you

by softiejohnyong



Series: johnyong x the infinity war [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 17:09:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20492327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softiejohnyong/pseuds/softiejohnyong
Summary: the cursed sequel to the cursed ficit's shouldn't be you (but it is); contains very vague spoiler of Endgame.unbeta-ed





	it's always you

**Author's Note:**

> the cursed sequel to the cursed fic [it's shouldn't be you (but it is)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14524605); contains very vague spoiler of Endgame.
> 
> unbeta-ed

Taeyong’s eyebrows pinch together in concentration. He is currently carving a piece of wood into a new handle cover for Youngho’s favorite dagger. The old one has been torn to pieces after a particularly brutal fight between them and the Avengers.

_ The Avengers_. Taeyong scoffs. _ Unruly wretches_. Thinking they are the all-powerful heroes of their world, entitling themselves to saving _ the universe_. Taeyong thinks they are merely pathetic mortals. Yet, like the insects on their planet, the Avengers won’t die, and they prove to be very persistent with their following Youngho everywhere. That’s what you get when some terrans team up with several aliens who happen to be well-versed in travelling between worlds.

He then redirects the tip of his own dagger at the surface of the wooden piece, carefully carves out the letter _YH_ on the handle. Quite satisfied with the final product, Taeyong looks up just in time to see Youngho return from his little hunting trip for food, a heavy sack of exotic fruits in his left hand. They only plan to stay one night here, some local fruits should be enough. Besides, they are lucky enough that there is something edible on this planet.

Upon reaching the opening of their makeshift tent, Youngho drops the sack of fruits onto the ground with a soft “_thump” _. 

“What do you think?” Taeyong offers the dagger to him, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Perfect.” Everything Taeyong does is beautiful, and so is this new handle. He grabs and plays with the dagger for a little bit, testing out the balance. The wood doesn’t seem to add any weight to the weapon; the blade glinting in the daylight while being passed over between his skilled fingers. A thought occurs to Youngho then. They could settle here, build a new home, conceal the entire place using the Reality Stone to keep the Avengers or any of the like from visiting them. The deed has been done, the universe is balanced, there is really nothing for the two of them to do.

“I was thinking,” after a while, Youngho speaks up, “this planet could be the new Titan. There are food and water, I could build a new training ground for you, as large as you want. What do you say?”

The other man smiles sweetly at that. “Of course, I’d love that. We can build a new life, together. If only I was real, right?”

_ If only you were real. _

Taeyong’s smile starts to fade into red dust, swept away by the soft breeze caressing Youngho’s face. A single drop of tear rolls down his cheek. 

He can’t do this anymore. Youngho knew he had to pay a price when he threw Taeyong down that cliff. But the kind of price it was - that hasn’t completely sunk in until this very moment. The moment Youngho uses the Reality Stone to recreate his Taeyong, to alter the cold harsh reality he chose for himself with an illusion. An illusion that Taeyong is here with him, alive and breathing, doing the things he always does - because Youngho wants their old life back, he wants to feel like himself again.

Looking down at his hand - the gauntlet is firmly in place and glowing with all six Infinity Stone - Youngho couldn’t help the absolute _ hatred _ he has for the gold-colored piece of gem. _ You took my Taeyong away. You destroyed him. _

The Power Stone glows its purple hue, energy shooting out in a strong ray directly at the Soul Stone. A light touch from the purple gem is enough to wipe out an entire planet, yet not enough to even put a crack on another Infinity Stone. Which makes sense, considering the target is a being as powerful as Soul - the center of the universe. 

An angry red beam strikes Soul as Youngho aims Reality at the orange-colored gem. The stone starts to vibrate lightly, as if it’s fighting against two of its siblings. 

Space adds an icy blue hue to the energy mixture. Soul is shaking violently now, but still holding itself together, not yet giving up.

Mind and Time together put one final shade of light green into the combination. Youngho could hear the sound of Soul’s surface cracking, the feeling of relief slowly washes over him. He still doesn’t know if destroying Soul would bring him peace. At least he won’t have to face his biggest failure anymore.

The Soul Stone explodes in a deafening bang, a surge of scorching, intense energy released from within its containment hits Youngho directly in the chest and knocks the breath out of his lungs. Youngho thinks he heard a bone or two cracking. All that is left on the ground are little pieces of glass-like debrises. The Soul Stone is no more.

*

“So you’re saying, that dickhead escaped AGAIN?” Tony Stark is practically seething in his wheelchair. Bony fingers gripping hard at the armrests, and if he wasn’t so weak, he would probably stand up right then and there to punch Captain America in the face. Part of him knows it’s irrational to get so upset at Steve and the others - they did their best - but the other, bigger part of his brain is currently blinded by rage and so much grief for everyone whom he couldn’t protect. Especially Peter Parker. God, if only he’d programmed Karen to forcibly bring Peter back to Earth. To prevent him from getting involved in the nasty fight on Titan. Would Peter be here instead of turning to dust had he been brought back home, to his aunt May? 

Pepper places a soothing hand on his shoulder to calm Tony down. Others are looking at him with concerned eyes. Tony knows he’s in a very bad shape right now - being stuck in space for almost a month with little to no food does reduce a person to a pile of weak limbs - Tony just doesn’t care. Not when their biggest problem now is not his health, but how to find Youngho. That son of a bitch escaped again, and even the blue meanie doesn’t know where he went.

“He doesn’t have the Soul Stone, though. I don’t know how, or why, but he had only 5 stones with him during the fight. Based on the surge of energy Rocket pointed out earlier, we believe that he has either hidden the stone away or, in the worst case, destroyed it.” Steve ends his sentence with a defeated sigh. This is exactly what they dreaded the most. Without Soul, there’s no bringing everyone back.

“So… what do we do now?” It took Natasha a while to swallow the lump in her throat and speaks, voice laced with frustration.

“We continue to search for Youngho. That bastard must have hidden the Soul stone somewhere. Why, we don’t know; but that is our last hope to make things right.” Steve tries to sound confident and strong, although he knows he is failing. Decades later, Steve Rogers is once again cornered into a dead end of the road. He only has his hope to rely on, and even hope seems to be only an abstract concept now.

*

Like the rest of the universe, half of Youngho’s troops - the Chitauri - are gone, along with Corvus and Cull. He still has Maw and Proxima, who have been travelling between worlds to search for Youngho. These two are incredibly loyal, sometimes Youngho wishes he felt something for them - anything other than blatant superiority - like he did for Taeyong and Nebula. 

Their ship is still the same, although considerably far more empty than the last time he’d been on it. Proxima is a quiet shadow looming in the back. She probably misses Corvus. It couldn’t be helped. Even though they’d known for a long time that there was a chance of them disappearing after the snap; longing for someone close to you is inevitable. Just like how Youngho is slowly losing bits and pieces of his sanity after the loss of Taeyong, his life partner.

“Sire, there’s something you need to see,” Ebony Maw looks up from the screen, one finger hovering above an image. “After you left Titan, I continued to keep track of the terrans. They discovered the quantum realm. Apparently, they can go back in time through that. So my concern is, sire, what if they used this technology to undo what you did?”

“They won’t,” Youngho didn’t intend for his voice to sound annoyed, which makes Maw slightly flinch; but maybe he really is annoyed by the idea that the Avengers can destroy the legacy that Taeyong left behind. 

“Forgive me, sire, I do not question your power or authority. However, these terrans could be quite persistent. I’m merely concerned that they might find a way to restore all six Infinity Stones and thus, ruin your legacy, sire.”

Maw’s words do put an idea in Youngho’s mind, though. If they can access the past - before everything - the Avengers might be able to turn Youngho and Taeyong’s efforts into dust. But for Youngho, it’s an interesting decision to make. He could stay in this timeline, and possibly goes crazy; or he could go to the past and make it his new present. He could have Taeyong again, and this time, he won’t mess up. Once is enough.

“Maw, Proxima, bring me that tech. I am not allowing those insects to bring chaos to the universe again.” There’s a strange gleam in Youngho’s eyes, one that Maw could not decipher. He decides to leave it, though. Whatever his sire wants, his sire gets.

*

Killing his past self is - shockingly - too easy, to the point Youngho is offended that he himself could be so vulnerable. The surge of energy from all six Infinity Stones couldn’t take his life, but one drop of poison made Youngho’s heart stop beating. His spine feels both hot and cold upon seeing his own cold, gray face while blood is trickling out from the mouth. There is no one else in the chamber with them, not even Maw, so getting rid of the body is easy enough.

Youngho is returning to the bridge when he hears a familiar voice, everything seems to slow down. Standing not far away from Youngho is Taeyong. His beautiful, deadly Taeyong. He seems to be having a chat with Nebula, or more likely, bickering with the blue-skinned cyborg. Their relationship has always been that way. Even though the dark-haired assassin loves Nebula as his own child, the other doesn’t seem to understand his affection, and instead sees Taeyong as a competitor for Youngho’s favor. Perhaps Youngho has been too cruel to her. He spent a lot of time trying to perfect Nebula, yet failed to understand why she is how she is. 

Youngho’s feet move before he realizes where they are taking him to. Then once he’s in front of Taeyong, the other looking up at Youngho with mild confusion, suddenly Youngho doesn’t know what to say. “I am from the future, and I am here to have you again”? “I threw you down a cliff, grief is killing me so I must do everything all over again”? No, he cannot say anything like that. Everything will go on the way it will, but with a minor change that Youngho could afford this time. Taeyong is still looking up at him expectantly, ready for any missions he may give.

“Baby,” Youngho whispers as he holds tight onto Taeyong’s much smaller frame, the action made both Taeyong and Nebula release a surprised squeak. Ignoring Nebula’s shocked expression, the brunette clutches Taeyong tightly to his chest in pure joy. This is real. Taeyong is real. He really is here, radiating warmth, not a cold illusion created by the Reality Stone.

“Youngho, what’s wrong?”, there is hesitation in Taeyong’s voice, as if he’s not sure how to react to Youngho’s strange gesture. The brunette only continues to keep the assassin in his embrace. Then, just as sudden as before, Youngho releases Taeyong and turns to Nebula, an icy look in his eyes.

“Nebula, come. I have a mission for you.”

Needless to say, despite the initial shock, Nebula is vibrating with eagerness. Sire has something for her to do, to prove herself, she is more than happy to do comply. “I will not fail you, sire.” She says, not forgetting to throw an arrogant glance at Taeyong’s direction.

*

“Sire, why are we here?” Nebula asks, confusion written all over her face as she looks at the mountains and the seemingly endless desert surrounding them. She expected to be sent to fight off some enemies of Youngho, maybe retrieving an artifact or two. Nebula sure as hell didn’t expect sire to come with her to Vormir. This planet is technically useless to them. Everyone in the entire universe knows Vormir is the mystical center of celestial existence, yet nobody knows exactly what it does.

“You’ll see.” Youngho is being abnormally curt with his speech, and that puts a sense of apprehension in Nebula’s stomach. It is as if he knows something bad is going to happen but decides to keep to himself. The cyborg knows she is no Taeyong, but she does have hope for Youngho to not see her or the other ‘children’ of his as mere tools of war to be sacrificed so easily. Maw, Corvus, Proxima and Cull literally worship Youngho and wouldn’t mind dying for him. But Nebula is different. She craves for attention, wants to be recognized as a warrior just as strong as Taeyong. She wants to be seen, to be heard like an individual, not a simple pawn to be tossed around and eliminated when Youngho no longer finds her useful.

A dark silhouette greets them at the top of the mountain. A red face, lack of any flesh, and hollow eyes of someone who died a long time ago. The apprehension in Nebula’s gut grows bigger as they follow that silhouette to a higher ground. Two giant stone pillars stood on either side of a flat surface that leads straight to the cliff.

"The Soul Stone holds a special place among the Infinity Stones. You might say, it is a certain wisdom," the keeper begins, "To ensure that whoever possesses it understands its power, the stone demands a sacrifice."

"And what is it?", Nebula asks, with a hint of impatience in her voice.

"In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. A soul for a soul."

When the keeper finishes his sentence, Youngho slowly turns around to face Nebula. The gauntlet is rigid and heavy on his left hand, while the right one is tightened into a fist. Realization finally dawns on Nebula as she shakes her head vehemently, pupiless eyes widening with fear.

“No. Do not lie to me about this. You don’t-”

“But I do. I’m sorry, Nebula, I have been too cruel to you.” His heart feels heavy all over again, because in truth, Youngho does love Nebula like a child of his own. He remembers well the day a blue-skinned little girl was brought to him by Proxima. The little girl was sick, already coughing up blood as soon as they found her. She would die anyway, with or without the war on their planet. So Youngho decided to take her in to fix her. Time after time, the young Nebula proved to be a strong warrior. Through countless enhancement surgeries, she survived and became better. She learned quickly, and even if she kept denying it, anyone could see the similarity between her fighting techniques and Taeyong’s. Slowly, she became the child them both were proud of. It would have killed Youngho to throw her down that cliff the first time.

But he cannot lose Taeyong. Not again. He did Taeyong wrong, and now he is given another chance to fix everything, he cannot fail again. He has to do what has to be done for this universe, whatever it takes.

“You are lying. You don’t love me. I am nothing but a mere tool to you.” Unlike Taeyong, Nebula goes into panic much faster, once she understands Youngho’s intention. She slowly backs away, hands clutching tightly at two long swords, ready to attack him at any moment. She is not going down without a fight.

*

Pain is an old friend who comes to visit Youngho too soon. Nebula screamed like a wounded beast and went at him with everything she got, but to no avail. She continued to scream, scream and scream, her cry tore through the night, through the blizzard that seems to be raging from the bottom of the cliff as she was falling. Youngho is not supposed to hear anything but the shrill sound of the wind violently blowing around them, yet he can hear it: a heavy thud as Nebula’s body hit the ground. Everything feels like a deja vu, except it’s real and not just a vague sensation that settles heavily in his heart. 

That’s it. Youngho did it again. He gave away another loved one in exchange for the faith of the universe.

*

When Youngho wakes, he sees a cloudless sky. He is lying on his back, hair wet from the water that is quietly rippling on the ground. The sun is shining, the water is cold, the air is cool, wind lightly breezing past his face. Youngho sits up, and in the palm of his right hand is a familiar sensation. A gem that is radiating warmth and buzzing with energy.

“What did you do, Youngho?”

Suddenly, there’s a voice next to him. Youngho looks up to find Taeyong standing nearby, a silver blade in his hand.

“Where is Nebula?”, there is a slight quiver in Taeyong’s voice, too minute that Youngho almost misses it.

“Where she is supposed to be.” He answers calmly, even though his stomach is churning. He quickly hides the stone behind his back. Taeyong shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t even know where they went. And yet, he’s here on Vormir, and judging from his face, Taeyong knows.

Taeyong swallows a lump in his throat, then asks, “You are not the Youngho I know, are you?”

“How did you know?” Youngho stands up and approaches Taeyong. The dark-haired assassin immediately raises his blade up to point it at Youngho’s throat. He doesn’t give any threats, though, and instead, keeps staring at the other. After a while, he finally speaks. “Your left eye. The color… it’s fading.”

“Taeyong, it’s the light. You know how light wor-”

“I know my Youngho, okay? Now shut up, and answer my question. Where is Nebula? I know you brought her here. Where is she?” The last syllable is spoken through gritted teeth, as Taeyong grows more and more impatient upon confirming his earlier suspicion. This is not his Youngho.

The brunette knows there is no point in lying to Taeyong anymore. Taeyong is smart, if he has already figured out that Youngho isn’t who he is, then sooner or later he will piece it together to find out the sacrifice Youngho made.

“She belongs to the Soul World now. She did well, I’ll make sure the universe knows her name.”

“What do you mean the Soul World? Just spit it out Youngho, where.is.Nebula?” The silver tip of the blade presses harder at Youngho’s throat.

“I gave her in exchange for the Soul Stone. A soul for a soul. But you didn’t know about the price of the Soul Stone, when you found it, didn’t you, Taeyong? I did what needs to be done. For the universe. _ For you _.”

The look of utter horror on Taeyong’s face is quickly replaced with pure rage. How could Youngho say so? How could he? How is killing Nebula for the sake of Taeyong? How dare he blame Taeyong for the death of their loved one?

“You monster…” Blood seeps out from the fresh cut on Youngho’s throat - not too deep to be fatal, but enough of an indication that Taeyong’s patience is wearing thin.

“Yes, Taeyong, I am not Youngho from this time. Do you know why I gave Nebula away? Because I love her, and I love you. In my reality, I did something I will forever regret,” the brunette doesn’t seem to mind the sharp pain tearing at his skin as he grabs Taeyong’s blade, “In order to bring balance to the universe, I must obtain all six Infinity Stones. And I gave you away for the Soul Stone.”

“But now, I am given a chance to make things right, to have you again, I will not fail you, Taeyong. I need you by my side.”

Taeyong can’t believe his ears. The man in front of him, the man he loves so, so much, is willing to give up both Taeyong and Nebula for the sake of his grand scheme. Nebula, as ambitious as she was, wouldn’t die for a stone. She wasn’t Maw. Which means Youngho forced her down that cliff. Taeyong wouldn’t mind it it were him, but why Nebula? Why her when Youngho clearly knows how much Taeyong treasures the blue-skinned cyborg? Because he loves Taeyong? Because he can’t live without Taeyong?

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done that to Nebula,” Taeyong’s voice is positively dripping with venom now, a mixture of anger and hurt. “You should have die in your reality!” With a final shout, Taeyong charges at the other man, pulling out another blade from his thigh holster. It clashes loudly with the gauntlet, the force is enough to create sparks of fire. They have sparred with each other so many times, yet this will be the last time. The fight won’t end well, Taeyong knows. He used to think that he will continue to love Youngho no matter what, even when the man is mad, even when he wants to murder billions of lives; Taeyong would love him unconditionally. Yet here they are, proving that Taeyong was wrong. Nebula was the last straw. 

He remembers well the old days, when he always found a battered Nebula - so small, yet so fierce and stubborn with her training - hiding in the corner of their shared chamber, silently crying because her limbs hurt too much. She would then crawl into Taeyong’s embrace, and let him tend to her wounds. Nebula was his child. Year after year, one experiment after another, Nebula grew and changed and so did her personality. Something made her change. She started to see Taeyong as a competitor for Youngho’s approval. But Taeyong didn’t. He still saw Nebula as the little girl who wouldn’t back off any fights, even ones against someone as big as Cull. He still loved her nonetheless. Because she, along with Youngho, was the one resembled even the slightest bit to family.

*

Taeyong doesn’t know if he was faster than Youngho this time, or the other let him do it, but his world has already broken into millions of pieces when the dagger tore through Youngho’s flesh and went straight to his heart. His fingers - still holding tightly onto the handle of the dagger - tremble, and so does his whole body. Every bit of anger is gone, he feels nothing but pain. When Taeyong looks up, he doesn’t expect Youngho to be smiling.

“I love you.”

Youngho falls to the ground as his knees give out. _ It’s okay _, he thinks. Someday, someone will kill him. It shouldn’t be Taeyong, but it is. Maybe it is better that Taeyong is the one to take his life away. Maybe Taeyong was right, after all. Youngho was too selfish, too caught up in his own desire to be happy again that he didn’t once think about Taeyong’s feelings.

“Baby,” Youngho whispers while looking up to Taeyong’s face. The dark-haired is now kneeling next to him, fat drops of tears rolling down his cheeks. Taeyong wants to say so many things to this man, yet everything that comes out of his mouth sounds choked up. 

“I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” Youngho’s right hand - now stained with blood - comes up to touch his cheek. “It’s okay. It was me. I failed you…”

Taeyong wants to scream at someone, something, anything to help ease the pain he’s feeling. He didn’t protect Nebula, and now Youngho is dying in his arms. The warm shade of brown is starting to drain away from Youngho’s eyes.

“Please, Youngho, stay with me. I can’t- I can’t do this without you. Please, baby, please stay with me.” He can hear Youngho’s breath slowing down, the tip of his finger shaking as it traces Taeyong’s face.

People say, the moment before someone dies, their whole life flashes upon their eyes. For Youngho, the images are shown to him, image by image. He has been through so many things, on the verge of death so many times, killed so many lives. But the final image, it puts a smile to his face. 

Taeyong. His beautiful, brilliant Taeyong.

“When I drift off, I will dream of you. It’s always you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i regret nothing.
> 
> although you could come scream at me [twitter](https://twitter.com/softiejohnyong) :'D


End file.
